Somewhere, You Lost Yourself

... notes on coming back to YOUR life.

ASH

Nov 19, 2024

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Hi everyone! A little bonus post today. I posted this in my Youtube but thought it also deserved to live here. I hope it resonates with you in some way. ✨

Somewhere, you lost yourself. One day, you wake up and realize you’re stuck in a life that doesn’t even feel like yours. It starts small. You tell yourself you’ll settle for “good enough”—just for now. A job that pays the bills, weekends filled with plans you didn’t actually want to make, a relationship that’s... fine. But let’s face it—‘fine’ is a pretty low bar. Somewhere along the way, this turned into your real life. And the worst part? You’re pretending it’s exactly what you wanted all along.

Funny how life sneaks up on you like that. One minute, you’re telling yourself, 'This is temporary, I’ll figure things out later,' and the next, you’re years deep into a life that feels like it belongs to a stranger. It’s like you accidentally signed up for someone else’s idea of adulthood and forgot to read the fine print.

I get it. We all do it. You wake up, shuffle through your routine, and somewhere between your second Diet Coke of the day, you start to wonder… how did I end up here?

I did the grand gesture thing—packed up my life and moved to London, thinking it would fix everything. But no amount of fresh starts or new cities can solve what you’re avoiding inside. The truth is, you don’t need a reset button. You need to stop settling for a life that isn’t really yours. You’re playing roles you didn’t sign up for, trying to convince yourself this is the life you chose. But really, you’re just going through the motions—filling in the blanks of someone else’s blueprint.

You don’t have to live the life you fell into. You can create the life you actually want. And no, it’s not about dramatic reinventions or grand gestures—it’s subtler than that. It’s about quietly, but firmly, deciding you’re done playing by someone else’s rules. Because the version of life society sold you? It’s not the only option.

You start to notice it in the small moments—the way life quietly edges off-script. It doesn’t happen all at once, more like a slow rewrite happening scene by scene. And before you know it, you’re not playing the role you thought you were. You’re in the story you’re meant to be living.

Scene 1: The Quiet Rebellion

It doesn’t start with fireworks. It’s more like that moment when you decide not to laugh at your boss’s joke for the first time—or when you catch yourself nodding along to plans you never wanted to make, and instead, you say, “Actually, no.” It’s quiet, almost unnoticeable. But inside? It’s a spark, the kind that lets you breathe a little easier, like you’re finally letting go of the person you’ve been pretending to be.

These little rebellions don’t make headlines. You’re not storming out of the office or deleting half your contacts. It’s subtler than that. It’s in the decision to stop pretending that things are fine when they’re really not. It’s the moment you realize that just because you’ve been doing something for years, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.

This is where change happens. In those small, quiet acts of defiance. The choices that remind you that life isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about making room for the things that actually matter. So, start with one. Pick one small rebellion—a conversation, a plan, an expectation you’ve been living under—and gently, but firmly, step away from it. You’ll feel it—the shift, that tiny freedom. And that’s where it begins.

Scene 2: Permission Slips Are Overrated

You know that feeling when you’re waiting for someone—anyone—to give you the green light? Like there’s some unwritten rule that says you need an official go-ahead before you do what you really want. But the truth is, no one’s coming. There’s no secret permission slip for the life you actually want.

We’ve all been trained to seek approval. To wait for someone to quietly nod and say, “Yep, that’s allowed.” It’s a bit like sticking with a bad TV show because, well, you started it, and maybe—just maybe—it’ll get better. But really, you don’t need anyone’s stamp of approval to make changes. If it feels right to you, that’s enough.

You want to change jobs, move to a little coastal town, or spend a year writing a novel (or thinking about writing a novel)? Do it. You don’t need anyone else’s permission. The only person who gets to decide how this story goes is you—and honestly, you’re the best one for the job.

Scene 3: Life Isn’t A Straight Line (And That’s a Good Thing)

Who said life had to be a straight line? Seriously, whose idea was it that we should all follow the same path—school, job, relationship, kids, retirement, and then, what? It’s a ridiculous script, and society’s been peddling it for so long that we’ve all just gone along with it like it’s the only way. But society has been wrong about a lot of things. Most things, actually.

The truth is, life isn’t one continuous route forward. It’s full of unexpected turns, detours, and yes, sometimes you end up right back where you started. But that’s not failure—it’s part of the process. Just because things don’t look the way you thought they would doesn’t mean you’ve gone off course. In fact, trying to follow someone else’s version of how life should unfold is like heading toward a destination you’re not even sure you want.

Maybe it’s not about sticking to the plan, but about noticing when the path stops feeling like yours. That job you’ve been in for years, the relationship, the plan you’ve followed for so long—do they still feel right, or are you just going through the motions? It doesn’t take a grand gesture to turn things around. Sometimes, it’s about being open to a small change, a new turn. Life doesn’t have to look like a straight line to be exactly what you need. It just has to feel like yours.

Scene 4: Ditch the Deadlines

Forget that invisible timeline society hands us—the one that says you should have your life all mapped out by a certain age, settled into something stable, and reaching some kind of ultimate success by the time you’re halfway through. Life just doesn’t work like that. It’s not a project with deadlines.

Maybe you’ve felt it—watching people around you hit milestones while you’re still figuring out if you even like the career you’ve been building. Or seeing someone else check off the boxes you thought you’d have ticked by now. The truth is, everyone’s on their own path. Some of us take a little longer to start, some of us change direction halfway through, and others? We’re still figuring it out as we go. And that’s perfectly fine.

So, let’s stop pretending that time is running out. It’s not. You’re not behind, you’re not off-track—you’re just living. It’s okay to wander. It’s okay to take the scenic route. And it’s definitely okay to decide that life doesn’t have to be a countdown to a finish line you never even agreed to.

Scene 5: Redefining Success (Again... And Again)

Success. It’s that elusive word we keep chasing, like there’s a single moment when everything clicks and the credits roll on a perfectly crafted life. But it turns out, success is a bit trickier than that. One day it’s about landing the promotion, the next it’s just about making it through the week without feeling like you’ve dropped every ball you were juggling.

The truth is, success doesn’t stay in one place. One day it’s about nailing a presentation, and the next, it’s just getting through Monday without losing your temper at the barista for spelling your name wrong. Some weeks it’s mastering a yoga pose; other weeks it’s remembering to stretch at all. Success is slippery like that—always shifting, just like we do.

So, if you’re still chasing that one moment when everything falls perfectly into place, maybe it’s time to let that go. Success isn’t some grand finale. It’s the little wins that make up your day. The point is, you’re the only one who gets to define it. And it’s allowed to look different every single time.

Scene 6: The Power of a Well-Placed No

You know that moment when someone asks you for a favor, and before your brain even registers the question, your mouth is already saying “Sure, I’d love to”? It’s like some auto-pilot people-pleaser takes over. The truth: “no” is just as easy to say. We’ve just been trained to think it’s not.

The real magic happens when you finally start saying it. No need for excuses, no fake plans involving your “busy schedule.” Just a simple, unapologetic “no.” And the world doesn’t end. No one dramatically faints or accuses you of betrayal. In fact, the only thing that really changes is you—you start to realize your time is yours. And suddenly, it feels like there’s more of it.

Of course, not everyone will take your 'no' in stride. Some people don’t like it when you stop being so available. But that’s their problem, not yours. The ones who matter will get it, and the ones who don’t? Well, maybe it’s time they heard it more often because he ones who get offended by your boundaries are usually the ones who benefited from you not having any. Saying 'no' isn’t about shutting doors; it’s about keeping the right ones open. And honestly? There’s nothing more satisfying than realizing you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Scene 7: Normal is Exhausting

There’s always that voice in the back of your head saying, “Maybe dial it down a bit.” Don’t laugh too loud, don’t admit you know every word to Spice World, and for god’s sake, don’t let anyone see your dogs clothing collection. You’re told to trim down the quirks like it’s some kind of social survival strategy—fit in, stay low-key, blend. The goal? To be normal.

But what even is "normal"? It’s that vague, one-size-fits-all label we’ve been sold, like everyone’s supposed to follow the same script. Be interesting, but not too much. Be unique, but not too weird. And honestly? It’s exhausting.

No one ever made history—or even had a decent Friday night—by blending in, by being ‘normal’. We’ve been sold this idea that standing out is dangerous, that being yourself is somehow a liability. But the people who make you feel like you need to shrink? They’re not your people. The truth is, the odd bits, the stuff you’ve been hiding—that’s the good stuff. It’s what makes life feel like yours, not a role you’ve been cast in by someone else.

So stop editing and stop pretending. The second you stop apologizing for the parts that don’t fit into someone else’s neat little box, life starts to open up. And the right people? They’re not interested in the version of you that’s been edited for public consumption. They want the full, slightly offbeat, occasionally snort-laughing you. Because really, who wants to be “normal” when you could be interesting?

Scene 8: The Comparison Trap

It’s easy to fall into, isn’t it? You’re mindlessly scrolling, and there it is—someone else’s life, wrapped up in a neat little bow. The dream job, the picture-perfect vacation, the relationship that looks like it came straight out of a romcom. And just like that, you start wondering where you went wrong. But here’s the thing: you’re comparing someone else’s highlight reel to your behind-the-scenes, where the lighting isn’t quite so flattering, and the dialogue’s a little messier.

The truth is, no one’s life looks like their Instagram feed. The perfect shot is just that—one shot. You’re not seeing the fifty other takes, the chaos behind the scenes, or the fact that even they had cereal for dinner last night. So why are we still measuring ourselves against an edited version of someone else’s life? It’s exhausting, and honestly, it's a losing game.

Instead, what if you put the phone down for a minute? Look at your own life—the parts that don’t get filtered or curated. The cup of coffee that actually tastes good, the conversation that made you laugh so hard you forgot what you were worried about. The second you start paying attention to the moments that make your life feel like yours, the less interested you are in anyone else’s highlight reel. It’s about letting yourself be enough, right now, without feeling like you need to measure up to some impossible, non-existent version of perfection.

Scene 9: The Days You Don’t Post About

It’s funny, isn’t it? The way we imagine life will be—smooth, full of big moments, everything falling into place like it was all part of some grand, well-crafted plan. But the reality? Most days feel more like outtakes than highlights. Messy, disjointed, like someone forgot to write the second act and now you’re just winging it… and that's exactly how it's supposed to be.

No one tells you that not every day is going to be great. Some days are barely even good. You wake up with the best intentions—maybe today will be different—and then by mid-morning, you’re trying to salvage whatever’s left of your mood with a Diet Coke and the last of the leftover pizza. It’s easy to think those days don’t count, that the only ones worth remembering are the ones where everything went according to plan. But that’s the lie…. The idea that life is made up of grand successes, when really, it’s the mess in between that makes it real.

Because, honestly, who remembers the perfect days? The days where nothing went wrong are forgettable. But the days where everything fell apart and you somehow made it through—that’s where the story is. The meltdown in the grocery store aisle, the impromptu cry-laugh session on your commute home. These days aren’t shiny or polished, but they’re real. The truth is, the bad days are part of the deal. They don’t mean you’re failing or off track, they mean you’re living. So stop waiting for the perfect day to arrive. Maybe the goal isn’t to turn the mess into a life lesson, but to just get through it, knowing that some days, surviving is the win—and that’s more than enough.

Scene 10: You’re Already Enough

We spend our lives waiting for the “moment.” You know the one. When you’re finally enough. Like it’s some badge you earn after years of trying. We tell ourselves, "Once I land the promotion, lose the weight, fix my life," then—then you’ll be enough. But what if you already are?

What if the version of you right now—the one with the messy hair, the unpolished to-do list, and the half-eaten pint of ice cream in the freezer—isn’t some work-in-progress waiting to be perfected? What if you’ve been enough all along, and the only person who needed convincing was you? Society keeps selling us this idea that we need to do more, be more, hustle harder. But maybe the real challenge is trusting that who you are, as you are, is exactly right.

Because the life you want? It’s not on the other side of some imaginary finish line. You don’t have to earn it by being more of anything. You just have to decide that the person you are right now deserves it—without conditions, without apologies. And sure, maybe that person occasionally skips the gym and eats cake for breakfast, but guess what? They’re still killing it. Perfection is overrated, and honestly, who needs that kind of pressure? Sometimes, the best you is the one that’s already here, snacks and all.

Scene 11: Celebrate the Tiny Victories

It’s funny how we’re always waiting for the grand moment, like life’s a competition where the only prize worth celebrating is a gold medal. But most days aren’t gold-medal days. They’re more like, “I didn’t hit snooze six times” kind of days. And honestly? That’s worth celebrating.

Think about it—no one’s throwing you a parade for getting through a workday without crying into your lunch, or for making dinner without burning anything. But the tiny victories? They’re the ones that keep you going. Maybe you didn’t finish writing that novel, but you wrote a paragraph. Or maybe you didn’t run a marathon, but you took the stairs without wanting to pass out. That counts.

It’s the little stuff that adds up. You don’t need a trophy to tell you you’re doing okay. In fact, sometimes just making it through Monday without texting your ex or feeding your dog two dinners is enough. So here’s to the small wins—the ones no one sees but you. The ones that don’t come with confetti but still deserve a slow clap. Because sometimes, just getting through the day with your sanity mostly intact? That’s more than enough.

Scene 12: Stop Caring What Others Think

No matter what you do, someone’s going to have an opinion… And yes, that’s the good news. Because once you realize that pleasing everyone is impossible, you get to let go. You stop performing, stop editing yourself for other people’s approval, and start living life on your terms.

Think about it: every time you’ve obsessed over someone’s opinion, did it ever change the outcome? Did it make your choices easier, or magically guarantee everyone’s applause? Of course not. Most people are too busy worrying about their own lives—and if they do judge you, well, that’s something for them to unpack with their therapist, not you.

The second you stop caring about what others think, you make room for what you think. You start living in a way that feels true to you, not because it looks good on paper or fits neatly into someone else’s expectations, but because it’s your life.

So, make your choices and trust them. People’s opinions are like unsolicited advice—they show up whether you ask for them or not. But at the end of the day, their judgments say more about them than they do about you. Once you stop caring what they think, you’ll be amazed at how much headspace you’ve freed up for, you know, actually living. Because, let’s be honest, no one’s ever really remembered for being the person who did what everyone else wanted them to.

One day you wake up and realize you’ve been living someone else’s version of life. You didn’t sign up for this series of events, but somehow, you’ve been playing along. The small compromises, the casual 'yeses’ when you meant 'no'—they add up. And before you know it, you’re living a life that doesn’t quite feel like yours.

The truth is, you don’t need to burn everything down to start over. You don’t even need a grand plan. Maybe you just need a moment of honesty with yourself—when you stop saying yes to things you don’t want and stop pretending that fine is anything close to good.

There’s no big reveal, no cinematic breakthrough. Just a quiet decision to start living the life that feels like yours, scene by scene, no permission required. So, yeah, there’s no perfect ending. But then again, who said this story was over?

Somewhere, You Lost Yourself

... notes on coming back to YOUR life.

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